Control

I recently wrote a post on the concept of controlling Sugar Addiction in a Facebook Support Group I am an admin for. It brought up ALL THE FEELS because, THIS, of course, is the hill that many addicts lose their lives on. Control. Ugh. I used to live for control. Now I run in the opposite direction if I see it coming. I am not always perceptive enough to catch it- always a work in progress- but these days I would prefer to accept and surrender so I can move forward more quickly and often with less pain than I remember from my past.

SO: What is control, really? As a noun, it implies the power to control or influence behaviors or events. In action, it implies we can DETERMINE the behavior we are supervising.

Do we have control of addiction or disease(s)? Can we control the disease? Can we control addiction?

Here is what we know:

1.) Addiction is a brain disease. You did not cause it; therefore, you cannot control it.

2.) The path to sanity requires an acceptance, or a surrender, to the fact of where you are, what you have, and that you have zero control of any of it.  

3.) This is a life-long, chronic, and progressive condition. There is NO cure. There IS HOPE/REMISSION/RECOVERY.

4.) You are not helpless. There are actions you can take to make your life, and living with the disease, more manageable – some may even attest- more wonderfully!

BUT MOLLY!!! How can I DO THAT?!? How can ACCEPT that I have a disease that is never going to be cured? PRACTICE. PRACTICE. PRACTICE. One of my favorite ways I guide my brain back to acceptance, rather than rejection, is by using mantras or “one-liners” as I like to call them. Here are some of my favorites:

*I did not cause my disease.

*I can be healthy & happy even with my disease.

*I will make consistent changes.

*Weight loss does not cure my disease.

*I am powerless but NOT helpless.

*There is no RIGHT way to recovery.

Anytime I start to have thoughts like, “This isn’t fair!” or “I wish I could eat what I wanted!” or “Why me?” I start repeating one of the phrases, over and over. I do not stop practicing until I feel the fire in my brain go out. I may even distract myself by pairing it with a new action! For example, if I had been watching a TV program when those thoughts showed up, I might turn off the TV and do a quick jumping jack or ten! Often, I get myself OUTSIDE and into nature. Have you ever gardened with bare feet? I think they call it “earthing”. It is amazing!

Ultimately, I know my disease is like a toddler. I will never win the fight. Trying to control it is a lose-lose situation. I have to outsmart it by giving it what it needs, NOT what it wants. I must redirect my thoughts and behaviors the same as I do when I am parenting my children. Sometimes I just have to get curious and not do anything other than ask questions and wait for the answers, observe any thoughts and feelings that I have in response, and move forward. NOT EVERY emotion has to be acted on, even though every emotion has an action urge attached to it. Easy in concept – not so much in practice.

If those skills do not work- I go to what I have left. I must practice an acceptance stance. Sitting in a chair or cross-legged on the floor, I simply place my hands, palms up, on my legs, and let the thoughts come. By keeping myself open I am more likely to accept vs. reject my reality. The nice thing is I can do this while I am meeting with a client or under the dinner table while sitting with friends and family! I can do it in my car at a red light or in a parking lot. I can do it in the shower, in bed, virtually anywhere! It informs my body, so I don’t have to fight my brain.

These are just some of the ways I practice acceptance. Thoughts? Questions? What is your go-to way to let go of the control and return to acceptance or surrender?